Penpusher
Posted: 2017-08-18T07:25:03+10:00 In:

After a senseless violent act, a quiet man willingly risks losing his home and family relationships for love of his wife and memory of his daughter.

After a senseless violent act, a quiet man willingly risks losing his home and family relationships for love of his wife and memory of his daughter.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      This post describes no plot. Please review the Formula tab at the top of the page.

      The logline should describe what visually happens on screen. It should describe his objective goal. What does he specifically do to rebuild his marriage? What event drives him to rebuild it?

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    2. Singularity

      Characters are pro-active, they determine the action.

      In your logline things happen to your character.

      When the bad things happen I don’t see a tangible goal or a plan by your lead, in your logline.

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    3. Would he have a number, because the way your logline descries the (somewhat limited) action of the script, it seems like it will end in tragedy. This could be a chance to do an inspiring never-get-me-down type screenplay (think like?Rocky?meets?Pursuit of?Happiness) instead of something seemingly quite depressing. Just food for thought about what story you are wanting to tell, and “sell”.

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    4. Logliner

      Way too vague for me. ?Your responses say you made changes, but maybe I’m not seeing them…

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