A quirky, motherless quarterback fights family discord and his girl?s departure, triggering dormant personality traits as he struggles toward manhood and an ?impossible?, child-like goal he made as a boy.

Hi djohn,

I’m intrigued by this, but it might lean a bit too much on the intrigue and not enough on specifics, just IMO. There is no inciting incident — there are a couple of potential ones, but again, it’s not specific. It might have to do with there being both ‘fights with family discord…AND his girl’s departure…’ ?

I think you could also be more specific with his ‘impossible’ goal… Every hero must have a goal… Most of the time they are impossible, or at least seemingly… I think a longline should tell us exactly what the goal is. If an audience (folks you’re pitching the movie to) doesn’t know what the goal is they have no reason to care, because there is nothing at stake for the pivotal character… Anyway, I AM intruided, I want to know more, but I think there should be more in the longline. Below is just my spin filling in the spots that I feel are vaguish, probably way off your actual story…. But anywho:

After being dumped by his girlfriend, a star college football quarterback suffers a psychotic breakdown in front of NFL scouts, and must work his way through years of repressed feelings over his long dead mother before making it to the play offs.

Best of luck with it.

TYPO! — “… of people HERE know what they’re…”