A Rebellious Saharan Princess, escapes the palace to search for her abducted mother, but discovers she is the key to the survival or enslavement of the world.
CobinnaPenpusher
A Rebellious Saharan Princess, escapes the palace to search for her abducted mother, but discovers she is the key to the survival or enslavement of the world.
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How exactly is she “the key to the survival or enslavement of the world”?
What must she do as a result?
How does it tie back to her mother’s abduction?
For clarity sake, when you say, “…she is the key,” do you mean the princess or the mother? (It’s a little unclear)
Because if the princess is the key, then she is probably the one who should be abducted
However, If her mother is the key, then the logline does make sense (Although a little unclear in the wording) because saving the mother saves the world. So the inciting incident of the mother being abducted aligns with the goal of saving the mother, which aligns with saving the world.
>>>she discovers she is the key
So what must she do then?? What becomes her positive objective goal?? “Preventing a millennia old conflict” is negative and incomplete.? What is the corresponding positive goal she must pursue to prevent the negative outcome?
Agreed with the others.
I’ll add that her ‘special gift’ and the stakes need clarification. Are they on the verge of war? Are they about to be invaded by a powerful army? What can she do to stop it? Can she control time? Control minds? is she a witch? What makes her the only one able to stop the war?
This is a snippet of the story
They thought I was dead. ?They were wrong. They are always wrong. Wrong about everything. I did not die at the Well. He did. We had been slaves and puns to the humans for so long. It is time to get our world back. For Dragons to rule again. We will rule again, once I regain my true form. I can?t continue to live in this Human. What a weak vessel he is. ?My venom has kept both of us alive for millennia, but time is running out. She is the key. She has to find the parts of me that has been scattered and hidden throughout the land. The bond has to be broken. And with my return will come the return of the Dragons.
Twenty days ago, during the Gani festival, celebrating the death of the Dragon King, my mother, the Queen, was taken. ?As heir to the throne, I am bound by duty to stay and rule. It has always been my mothers desire that I become Queen after her, but that is not my desire. I wish to lead the warriors to battle, not facilitate trade and diplomacy between neighboring kingdoms that populate the Shahara. I have special abilities. I run faster and further, jump higher and further, than anyone in the kingdom. I am stronger, more agile, bruise less and heal faster. My grandmother calls me the child of the prophecy, the one that speaks about killing the Dragon king. But how do you kill someone that died over a millenia ago?
The warriors came back empty from the search. ?What would you have done? Me too! But in hindsight, I would have done it differently. Especially, since I found out that my blood is one of the 5 items required to unbound the Dragon King from his Human vessel. But my mother. How could she? With him?
Okay, I see the story a little clearer now.
However, I am unclear as to what the lead character must do?
In your snippets, you tell us what the Dragon King must do to be released from his human body prison, but not what the lead character?must do in order to stop him.
Does she need to find a magic sword? Find a reclusive wizard? Go to an ancient ruin and get an amulet of some sort? This would be an important part of your logline.
What is the ethnic identity of the princess?? Is she northern Saharan (Arabic) or southern Saharan (Black)?
Given the region where you are setting the story, her ethnic identity is no minor detail.? It will be critical in casting and marketing the film. Even if the genre is fantasy.
Just saying.