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KnightriderMentor
Posted: November 7, 20162016-11-07T10:21:01+10:00 2016-11-07T10:21:01+10:00In: SciFi

When video game character’s gain self awareness and actually start killing the players, a young widow must complete the game to escape it.

When video game character’s gain self awareness and actually start killing the players, a young widow must complete the game to escape it.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2016-11-09T10:52:05+10:00Added an answer on November 9, 2016 at 10:52 am

      Why her? What is it about the widow that connects her to the game.

      If this has not already been written, I would change it a little. This would be an example:
      —–
      Backstory: The lead character could be a mother who gave her son up for adoption when she was a teen.

      Emotional motivation: She could not take the guilt and sadness of what she did.

      Story begins: The lead character secretly tracks the son she gave up for adoption 16 years ago and discovers he plays the newest MMO. (Perhaps this could be motivated by the lead becoming a widow)

      Emotional Journey: She creates a character in the game and befriends him so she can learn who he as grown up to be.

      Inciting incident: Now they get trapped in the game and they must work together but—

      Conflict: —she has this BIG secret she has been keeping from him which would of course get revealed at the worst possible moment.

      Goal: She is determined to protect her son no matter what. A mamma bear protecting her cub… (She could even be a bear form druid if you want to use it as a metaphor)
      —–
      Your story doesn’t have to go like that, but in my example we can see a connection to the game and surviving that goes beyond just surviving for the sake of surviving but she wants to protect her child as well.

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-11-08T12:19:44+10:00Added an answer on November 8, 2016 at 12:19 pm

      The logline is too long and needs trimming. One easy way is to remember to use only plot critical information:
      “…A recent widow begins using the World?s most popular virtual reality game to escape real life…” – this is back-story, as it’s unrelated to the plot it can be cut.

      Is the inciting incident the game killing a player? If so, open on that and describe only her action to stop the AI.

      Can’t say it sounds interesting to me – seen too many films and shows about AI’s and VR environments, but it may have a market. VR is becoming a big thing, the gaming industry is huge and it clearly ties into the escapist aspect of the theme by giving the viewing audience a sense of escaping into a different world in the VR game.

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    3. ODS Penpusher
      2016-11-07T17:11:19+10:00Added an answer on November 7, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      Love the premise. Question, when you say ‘actually start killing the players’ does that mean they die in real life? If she must complete the game to return to reality, how does she know they are dead?

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    4. Knightrider Mentor
      2016-11-07T10:22:49+10:00Added an answer on November 7, 2016 at 10:22 am

      A tweaked version of a logline I did a while ago, I have recently comeback to the story and while the idea of a gaming world will be explored in Ready Player One, I still think my story is different enough and relevant given recent shows like WestWorld exploring AI and how we treat it coupled with the continuous advancements in gaming technology.

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