Penpusher
Posted: 2015-06-26T11:48:36+10:00 In:

A religious man with a serial-killer split personality struggles to suppress his sinister side while evading the detective who apprehended him in the first place.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Understood to clarify;

      Evading the detective is every crime story ever told. What does he want specifically? Get to Alaska and live free? Cross the border to Mexico? etc?

      Aslo How is he specifically going to achieve it? Dress like a rabbi to through the cops off? Dress like a woman? Travel at night? etc?

      With no inciting incident, no specific action and with no specific goal described the plot is unclear.

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    2. Penpusher

      Thank you for the feedback. He actually used to be a priest! Hmm I thought the logline does describe a plot. That he’s evading the detective. It’s essentially an escape and runaway plot. I guess I could make that clearer. Also, you’re right about no mention of the inciting incident. I’ll work that in. Thanks!

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    3. Logliner

      Father I’m here to confess my sins (long pause) Yes my son….

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    4. Singularity

      This sounds interesting almost like a film about a devout Dexter. His religious beliefs and his killing urges could give him a lot of inner conflict.

      Why not describe him as a priest of a large community this way his outer shell will contradict his inner demons and give you a lot to play with in form of metaphors.

      Currently however the logline doesn’t describe a plot, what is the MC goal and what is the inciting incident?

      Hope this helps.

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