Penpusher
Posted: 2016-08-12T08:35:56+10:00 In:

A repentant terrorist decided to erase his memory and start over new life, but soon he was chased by his past

A repentant terrorist decided to erase his memory and start over new life, but soon he was chased by his past
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    6 Reviews

    1. Is this a sci fi? How does he erase his memories? What makes him “repent”, I.e. What is the inciting incident of the story? What is the new life, I.e. His goal. And chased by his past? This is far too vague. I suggest a full rewrite, maybe something along the lines of;

      After his family is killed a repenting terrorist moves to the United States to get away from his lethal organisation but his nightmares are harder to get away from.?

      To to me even the ending of my own is too vague. Hope this helps.

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    2. Uberwriter

      Look at the film “a history of violence”, a hitman with memory loss is discovered by his enemies after he foils a robbery and appears on the news. ?I find chased by his past a bit ambiguous. ?The authorities want to prosecute him? People want revenge? Or fellow terrorists try to kill him?

      hope this helps.

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    3. Singularity

      Why would the audience care about a terrorist? He is a criminal and a killer, I believe empathy will be your biggest problem in this concept.

      It’s fine for someone to change their mind about their life choices, but if they hurt others in the past they need to pay for their actions – erasing his memory is an easy, no penalty,? way out.
      If he seeks redemption, what is it he MUST achieve in order to get it? make this his goal and restructure the logline around it.

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    4. Logliner

      try something like: When a child soldier forced to do terrorist acts kills his own cousin and tries to reform his life, he soon finds the cousin’s family are still out for revenge

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    5. Singularity

      Because his memories have been erased, he has no recollection of the past.

      In your logline you are telling us the story from the writers perspective, that his past is catching up to him. Instead you should tell us the story from his perspective.

      He’s (Possibly) a family man, then out of nowhere someone tries to kill him. He doesn’t know why because he doesn’t remember his past. Now we have a mystery, why are these men out to kill him? Why do they want?
      That would be the story from his perspective.

      A movie that does this well is “The Long Kiss Goodnight” staring Gena Davis.

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    6. Singularity

      I think the logline should be composed from the writer’s perspective, not the character’s because it’s the only way to pitch the hook, sell the sizzle. The sizzle of the story is that he deliberately had his memory erased. ?There’s no sign of the sizzle in the logline if told from the pov of the character.

      I also think the concept would benefit from an ironic twist. ?Like in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, the story of 2 lovers who have the memories of their relationship erased after a painful breakup — only to be drawn back together again by circumstance and residual, fragmentary subconscious memories of their relationship.

      As for how the memory is erased, there is also the credible option of a complete loss of memory in a battle accident. ?When he finally regains consciousness, it’s day 1 of the rest of the life. ?He has no memory of any moment in his life before then. ?I say credible because there are medical cases of people who, as a result of brain trauma, have suffered a complete memory loss of of their lives up to the moment of the trauma — and have never, never gotten it back.

      fwiw

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