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LeviathanSamurai
Posted: October 15, 20182018-10-15T13:31:26+10:00 2018-10-15T13:31:26+10:00In: Action

A former one of the best CIA Black ops agent is forced back into action after a transport of currency is stolen by an unknown group he was requested to transport.

A former one of the best CIA Black ops agent is forced back into action after a transport of currency is stolen by an unknown group he was requested to transport.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. t3xx3r Logliner
      2018-10-16T07:02:24+10:00Added an answer on October 16, 2018 at 7:02 am

      a retired black ops federal agent?

      I’d have to stop you there.? A federal agent is more synonymous with “FBI”.? A black ops is either military, paramilitary, or not related to the CIA.? Usually the CIA has a more defined structure with people who are field agents.? Those are called NOCs or case officers (who get into the field and gather intelligence, supervise important assets who were turned, or apprentice a new case officer into becoming part of the spy game).

      Also, the CIA is chartered to help the United States government with intelligence gathering, proactive action, and usually on the darker side, assassination attempts (which banned the CIA from doing so in the 70s in their charter).? They do do seedy activities like sexual trafficking to bait more important criminals and get them captured, deposing of installed puppets for better ones, and more.

      As for stolen? currency that may be taken, the CIA doesn’t have jurisdiction to perform domestic duties like this.? They are not allowed to spy on Americans, or track people who fall into that “stolen currecy” category.? They usually are required to do foreign intelligence and somewhat counter-intelligence in some aspects.

      The stolen currency looks like it would come from the Secret Service, in which they are indeed charged with investigating counterfeits, money laundering, illegal transactions, and of course stolen currency if they’re newly minted at the U.S. Treasury.

      But these guys are right.? Why a retired dude?? What makes him so special?? What makes him a cut above the rest?? Why not pull in the new younger guys?

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    2. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2018-10-15T17:08:17+10:00Added an answer on October 15, 2018 at 5:08 pm

      The unknown group should be one which this agent believed he put an end to during his career. It’s personal and it’d be understandable why he’d come back into play. As Craig pointed out, there needs to be a link.

      I feel like it’s a bit vague. You haven’t specified which currency has been stolen and it’s an unknown group. Specifics will help ground the story. For example, if he’d stolen US dollars we can picture the story in the states and I would consider it to just be a “in it for the money” kinda thing. However if it was the currency in a poor country, immediately I’d be thinking why steal the currency of a country that’s poor… there must something else going on, something that’s bigger than just stealing cash.

      You’ve used 8 words to describe the protagonist. Is it important that we know he’s “black ops federal agent (CIA black ops)”? Can’t you just say retired CIA agent? Or retired federal agent? Given the logline as it stands, I’m not sure the “black ops” bit adds anything that we don’t already get from CIA agent. I could be swayed though… black ops does suggest something darker and more mysterious but I need something to hint at that from the rest of the logline.

      A protagonist should be proactive. He can be requested back into service but ultimately the decision must be his. That’s your break into act 2.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Knightrider Mentor
      2018-10-15T17:01:36+10:00Added an answer on October 15, 2018 at 5:01 pm

      Yep, it does seem like an idea that has been done a lot before, what is your unique twist? Like Demolition Man, it?s the same formula, but has a different twist on.

      An obvious link would be the currency is stolen by his old arch nemesis who he knows better than anyone else.

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    4. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2018-10-15T15:16:48+10:00Added an answer on October 15, 2018 at 3:16 pm

      The problem is that the two issues aren?t logically linked. He retires, the CIA still exists. They have other agents. This may have worked in the 80?s we need a connection now.

      Plus you tended to double underline the idea of the black ops. We did get the point.

      Tie them together with a bit of story or complexity

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    5. Richiev Singularity
      2018-10-15T13:38:13+10:00Added an answer on October 15, 2018 at 1:38 pm

      Just curious, why not let the non-retired guys handle it. Why him?
      Also, who forces him back into action?

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