Logliner
Posted: 2017-02-21T06:38:33+10:00 In:

A roadie for the greatest band in the galaxy struggles to recover a time machine hidden within Elvis Presley?s Graceland in order to defeat an alien psychopath hellbent on destroying the Milky Way.

A roadie for the greatest band in the galaxy struggles to recover a time machine hidden within Elvis Presley?s Graceland in order to defeat an alien psychopath hellbent on destroying the Milky Way.
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    7 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      A lovesick roadie for the greatest band in the galaxy?has 48 hours to find and?use the time?machine hidden in a secret chamber?under Graceland?to win the heart of an alcoholic prostitute and?defeat a psychotic alien?hellbent on destroying the Milky Way.

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    2. Uberwriter

      I can’t see how his job is tied to his goal.

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    3. Singularity

      The word ‘struggles’ is usually a red flag in a logline. FMA did a good logline example using a ticking clock approach.

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    4. Singularity

      The causal connection between the various parts of the logline is unclear.

      What is the inciting incident that make shim NEED to take action?

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    5. I mean you could have waited until my logline was at least off of the first page, but sure. Yeah.

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    6. I’ve left a response on your newest revision of this.

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    7. Singularity

      solidjim:

      The good news is I think your story has some very imaginative characters and situations. ?The bad news is that the imaginary world you’ve created is hard to compress into a logline because the elements are, well, imaginary, hence, unfamiliar — they don’t map (much) to the familiar world and require definitions and explanations.

      It seems to me that the dramatic engine propelling the plot is the, uh, plot by the assassin to annihilate our galaxy. ?Why does the “Shiny Man” want to do that? ?What has he got against Elvis? (He doesn’t like rock and roll?)

      [BTW: ?have you thought about writing this story first as a graphic novel? ?That way, ?you’d have the visuals to show studio executives what kind of world and what kind of story you propose to know. ?I know a writer who did this. ?He wrote an imaginative SciFi story featuring an ensemble of new superheroes. ?But he didn’t have the artistic chops to draw, so he hired someone to adapt his screenplay as a graphic story and posted it to a web site. ?And then he pointed Hollyweird folks to that url. ?And it worked. He sold his script for a tidy 6 figure number.]

      fwiw

      ?

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