Penpusher
Posted: 2018-10-25T08:34:40+10:00 In:

A Secret Service agent, must kill the President to save the Presidency. After years in exile, he must help save his estranged daughter, the newest President, when she is taken hostage.

A Secret Service agent, must kill the President to save the Presidency. After years in exile, he must help save his estranged daughter, the newest President, when she is taken hostage.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      I am confused. Can you explain, how killing his daughter (which is what I believe you have explained) would help.

      It?s good to have intrigue but not outright confusion.

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    2. Singularity

      I agree with Craig, kind of confusing, but I’ll see if I can untangle your logline in as few words as possible:
      —————————————————————-
      “When his daughter; The President, is kidnapped, a disgraced secret service officer must kill?her in order to save her.”

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    3. Singularity

      I think I’m reading this differently to Craig and Richiev. This is never a good thing – ambiguity is where loglines go to die! Make sure that the reader knows what the inciting incident, goal and stakes are and who the main character is without leaving anything to question.

      I read this as follows: A secret service agent is tasked with killing the president to save the presidency as part of a huge government conspiracy. He is then exiled. Years later he comes back to save his daughter, the new president, when she is kidnapped. I don’t really want to comment further before the story has been clarified.

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    4. Samurai

      So, wait, must he kill his daughter? Or did he kill the previous president, which got him exiled? (And not inprisoned?)

      Please clarify. I agree with all of the comments above.

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    5. Singularity

      As others noted, it’s kind of confusing.? Did the guy actually assassinate the President — or only conspire to (but the plot failed)?? {Either way, he wouldn’t just be in exile — he’d be in hiding.? Deep hiding. Because trying to? assassinate the President (no matter what the pretext) is the highest of high crimes.]

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