Lottie Lyell Project
OctaviaLogliner
A secretly dying filmmaker goes to the Blue Mountains to shoot her final film. As her marriage and the production fall apart, the ghost of a local murder victim has her questioning what her life’s work truly is.
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Agreed with above… and the word “secretly” really is annoying especially as the first word.? Why should it be secret?? Secret to whom?? and why TB seems improbable today… there is treatment available except for a few multiple antibiotic resistant cases.? and no ghost please.? filmmaking involves research, and could find clues to solving the murder.? I assume she is making this film because it is her favorite story and she knows it will be her last.
Agreed with DPG and Richiev.
In addition, what starts her off on her journey to shoot the film? Why now and not a year ago?? If it was the discovery that she is dying you can use this as a ticking time bomb and inciting incident i.e:
After she is given a year to live, a cancer diagnosed film maker must complete her last film but…
The part about her marriage breaking apart seams redundant in the logline and unrelated to the plot, as it will be emotionally difficult but not an obstacle per say.
Lastly (this may have been already mentioned but is important) what is her goal? Does she want to get into Cannas, Sundance or win an Oscar? Producing a film is a challenge, but if she is a film maker then she has presumably already done so in the past. Therefore her goal in this case should be a greater challenge than just producing a film.
As Richiev said.
Is the film she’s making a documentary or a drama of the murder mystery?? If the latter, does it end with a (fictional) “solution” to the murder.? And if so, couldn’t the dramatic twist be that? in the process of making the film, she discovers the real solution, the real culprit?? That seems to me would be an interesting hook for the story.? The rest — her terminal illness, the ghost –?are details for the story,?dramatic elements, ?but don’t seem to be what the story is about.
And to my way of thinking, it would be a stronger story?if she solves the mystery entirely?by her own wits, ?in the natural process of making the film — not through some?supernatural intervention.? The ghost feels kind of gimmicky — the easy way to?reveal clues, perhaps, but not the most dramatically challenging.? (Other’s mileage may vary on that point.)
From reading your logline, I’m not sure what this story is actually about. Is it two hours of a woman questioning what her life’s work truly is?
What is she dying from (Cancer?)
What is her goal? (I don’t even know from your logline what the movie she’s shooting is about)
Is there some sort of action besides “Questioning”… something more active?
I do believe there is a story here but at this point the plot is still unclear.