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KeymiserLogliner
Posted: November 5, 20212021-11-05T13:38:21+10:00 2021-11-05T13:38:21+10:00In: Adventure

 A Self centered rising young artist must put aside his ego when he is forced to compete against his on and off girlfriend, for a record deal with a famous rapper’s upcoming label.

Animation movie.

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    6 Reviews

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    1. Philippe Le Miere Logliner
      2021-11-05T15:48:10+10:00Added an answer on November 5, 2021 at 3:48 pm

      “Self-centred rising young artist” = protagonist

      “put aside his ego” = main character goal

      “girlfriend” = villain

      Art about art is always fun. To write a story about an artist, is to simultaneously be an artist and emphasize with their point of view.

      It’s the epithet like quality of the last sentence that left me hanging:

      “… for a record deal with a famous rapper’s upcoming label”

      To be semantic, perhaps the main character is more specifically a Musician, singer or music industry related profession. Disorientated my initial image of the character (sorry, imagined a painter/artist).

      ‘Put his ego aside’ is very abstract for a character goal, but ‘win a record deal’ is much more specific. The implied character arch is from self-centered -> through to -> selfless. A virtuous and powerful story structure. But perhaps this might be expressed through the story conflicted? What if the villian were kind, selfless, generous, supportive of others? This would surely go up againist the grain of our protagonist’s character flaw.

      Speaking of villains, who is the main villain: girlfriend, or rapper? Not that stories can’t have multiple bad guys, just that usually there is only one main climatic “Boss” character.

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      • Keymiser Logliner
        2021-11-06T08:22:49+10:00Replied to answer on November 6, 2021 at 8:22 am

        Thank you for your breakdown and questions. Yes the girlfriend is the villain, she is very much love challenging my main character and she get bent on the fact her boyfriend is also competing believing that he’s only in it for the prize and glory, vs her for establishing herself as a great artist…thing is the main character has more popularity and flare as an upcoming artist (musician) than she is, locally so she feels she deserves this moment over him, but he’s NOT willing to accept that because he is selfish and want to eat up fame quick, but I want him to eventually see that others deserve it more, and learn how to take losses if he end up losing the competition and not letting his ego and pride ruin a relationship that means a lot outside of their valued profession, if that all make sense. But yes the girlfriend is the villain as he feels her motive is more vain than his because she’s competing with him etc.

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    2. Odie Samurai
      2021-11-06T00:10:32+10:00Added an answer on November 6, 2021 at 12:10 am

      This is what I can glean:
      “An egotistical young musician must face off against his off-and-on girlfriend [aka better half] in order to win the record deal of famous rapper”

      The girlfriend’s character is interesting but one-dimensional, what if she was anti-establishment, spiteful, or impoverished – you get the idea.

      Keep going!

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      • Keymiser Logliner
        2021-11-06T08:24:33+10:00Replied to answer on November 6, 2021 at 8:24 am

        Anti-hero? I was actually going for something like that for the girlfriend as she is considered the antagonist in my story indeed. Your logline is well put I like the idea you gave me to really think about thank you so much.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2021-11-07T08:51:27+10:00Added an answer on November 7, 2021 at 8:51 am

      Why is she on again off again? Wouldn’t the story have more impact if she was ‘the one’

      In other words, where is the emotional conflict if it is simply a take it or leave it relationship?

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      • Odie Samurai
        2021-11-09T01:39:36+10:00Replied to answer on November 9, 2021 at 1:39 am

        Good point!

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