A young woman in search of her parents finds herself in a fight for her life when an extraterrestrial warrior believe her to be a legendary weapon created to defend against the invader.
EricaSamurai
A young woman in search of her parents finds herself in a fight for her life when an extraterrestrial warrior believe her to be a legendary weapon created to defend against the invader.
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>>>her real abilities show until she?s older (when the story starts).
Okay, that could work if the film story begins with the emergence of her extra-human abilities in puberty. (I have no idea what they are, but I assume you’ve got that figured out.)
I suggest for the purpose of the logline that having her looking for her parents be considered as a long term narrative arc for the franchise.? One that need not be included in a logline for the origin chapter.? It’s a goal she takes on later after she’s become fully aware of her powers, the implications and the cosmic stakes.? Just as Luke Skywalker doesn’t know who he really is and what is at stake for him in using the Force until the “Big Reveal” at the end of the second chapter of the original “Star Wars” franchise.
The logline for the origin chapter of your saga should focus on her most immediate and urgent objective goal in that chapter.? Which is…?
Thanks DPG for the help,
How could she not know growing up she?s not a normal human?? The idea here, she’s pretty normal looking with none of her real abilities show until she’s older (when the story starts).? She’s always felt different, but who hasn’t.? It’s not like she can pick up a car and not think twice about it.
Hopefully this will become a franchise on a larger scale.? As it is, this is a follow up to a movie I made a while ago.
I’ve been thinking about all the tips here and have some idea’s for tweaking the script now so that’s exciting, can’t wait.
>>>A tenacious young woman discovers she?s half human
How could she not know growing up she’s not a normal human?
It seems to me the discovery that would kick off the plot is her finding out WHY she’s half-human.? And she would find that out when the ET. returns to claim her as fully matured “weapon” or whatever they designed her to be.
So her backstory could be that she was hidden on earth to incubate and have the time to develop into what they genetically engineered her to become.? Which, in human terminology, would be to become a mighty super warrior.
Upon reflection, I think you have the germ of a? viable idea.? And if you engineer the plot and character well enough, she could become the basis for a franchise, a series of films. (From the pov of the Hollyweird moneymen, it’s a terrible waste of a super character if her dramatic destiny plays out in? one picture.)
fwiw
>>>if she turns out to be only part human
If she is only part human (in whatever way, for whatever reason) then I suggest that info needs to be in the logline.? It’s the game ball, the whole purpose for the plot.? Don’t hide the game ball.
I don?t mind the original. Searching for her parent sets a scene and gives some context. Bit like a group of kids go camping end up being chased by murderer.
?Finds herself? lacks action. Find an action phrase. People find themselves falling in love. ?is thrust into…? You get the point.
?That believes? – ?who believes? it needs a word there.
We don?t need to know the aliens motivation. It?s a logline not a treatment.
As Richiev said, the search for her parents doesn’t match the goal.? ?That she is searching for her parents may a context for the plot, but it is not the inciting incident for the plot.? Hence, it doesn’t belong in the logline.
Being stalked by the E.T. warrior seems to be the inciting incident.? And her objective goal must be related to that inciting incident. So what becomes her objective goal when she realizes the E.T. warrior wishes to acquire her as a weapon?
Also, humans are recruited or impressed to play roles in defending others. What does it mean for her to become a “weapon” as differentiated from playing a role?? The logline suggests a character losing all of her agency ; she’s to become merely a military tool in someone else’s arsenal.? That’s not what protagonist’s do.? Protagonist’s are proactive, not reactive or passive instruments.
So, again, what is her proactive response to the E.T.’s attempt to use her against her will?
A new possible logline:
During her search for her parents, a tenacious young woman is hunted by an extraterrestrial warrior who believes her to be a legendary weapon capable of defending against the invader.
The inciting incident and the goal should match.
Inciting incident: Search for parents
Goal: Survive alien attack
Those two things don’t match up and I would drop the part about searching for the parents.
Also why does the extraterrestrial warrior attack her if he believes her to be a legendary weapon? That part is confusing.