DREAMSHIP
A selfish teenager has until sunrise to rescue his devoted little sister from the place where dreams REALLY come from, or else they'll be trapped there forever.
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This may post twice, but wanted to make sure it got out there.
How does this sound?
“A selfish teenager has until sunrise to rescue his devoted little sister from the fantastic place where dreams REALLY come from, or else the sinister woman behind all nightmares will keep them trapped there forever.”
How about this?
“A selfish teenager has until sunrise to rescue his devoted little sister from the fantastic place where dreams REALLY come from, or else the sinister woman behind all nightmares will keep them trapped there forever.”
Great feedback from everybody! I’m not sure how to put in the antagonist, but how do you feel about “swashbuckling” to describe the place?
Nice one. Wasn’t sure about ‘selfish teenager’, but I see how it really puts the character development up front, so that’s great. Also like the impact of “where dreams REALLY come from”. Good intriguing hook that grabs one’s attention.
I agree, I like it — and I’d like a bit more: Place and Villain
“A selfish teenager has until sunrise to rescue his devoted little sister from _______, a place where dreams REALLY come from, or else _________ will trap them there forever.”
Though I’m not sure I’d want to leave a place where all my dreams come true 😉
I love it!
There’s a character journey: the main character has to become less selfish.
There’s a clear goal: get the little sister back.
There’s a ticking clock: before sunrise.
Hmmm… Some elements remind me of a recent Pixar movie. I bet that’s a good thing.
I’m also intrigued about ‘the place where dreams REALLY come from’, so you have my full attention.
If anything, you could add an antagonist into the mix if there is one – and I expect there would be.
You could also add the inciting incident, but because what you have is so strong, I don’t think it is necessary.