Eastern Archery
A short-tempered aspiring hunter gets her dominant arm torn off after saving a friend and must cope with it if she is to ever become the best in the western world.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
How the main character is supposed to “cope” with her new disability is not clear in this logline. What is the compelling action that your character needs to take to acheive her goal of becoming the best in the western world?
Furthermore, what is it that makes her goal necessary? Why is becoming the best something she has to accomplish? And if she didn’t, what consequences would that have? The logline seem to lack negative stakes for your character. If the hero would fail to accomplish the goal, it doesn’t really feel like she would lose anything.
Describing the arm as her “dominant arm” doesn’t seem essential to the story. In fact, I think skipping the word “dominant” and just go with “gets her arm torn off” might make the logline more concise.
Hope any of this helps.
How the main character is supposed to “cope” with her new disability is not clear in this logline. What is the compelling action that your character needs to take to acheive her goal of becoming the best in the western world?
Furthermore, what is it that makes her goal necessary? Why is becoming the best something she has to accomplish? And if she didn’t, what consequences would that have? The logline seem to lack negative stakes for your character. If the hero would fail to accomplish the goal, it doesn’t really feel like she would lose anything.
Describing the arm as her “dominant arm” doesn’t seem essential to the story. In fact, I think skipping the word “dominant” and just go with “gets her arm torn off” might make the logline more concise.
Hope any of this helps.
What’s an aspiring hunter? I would think you either hunt or you don’t.
What’s an aspiring hunter? I would think you either hunt or you don’t.
Thank you=)
Will have to look over that, got something more suitable in mind.
Thank you=)
Will have to look over that, got something more suitable in mind.
It did a fair bit. Thank you.
It did a fair bit. Thank you.
>>Describing the arm as her dominant arm? doesn?t seem essential to the story.
It would make a critical difference if a right-hander lost his right arm and tried to become proficient with his left ( (Try eating or shaving exclusively with your non-dominant hand.) And to complicate matters, his right eye is his “shooting eye” his dominant eye. So I think it’s an important story element.
But the story is vague, raises questions rather than provide answers. Like: what’s the weapon she hunts with? And what’s the visual for being “the best in the western world”? Winning Olympic gold? The specific contest that defines the “best” ought to be identified.
>>Describing the arm as her dominant arm? doesn?t seem essential to the story.
It would make a critical difference if a right-hander lost his right arm and tried to become proficient with his left ( (Try eating or shaving exclusively with your non-dominant hand.) And to complicate matters, his right eye is his “shooting eye” his dominant eye. So I think it’s an important story element.
But the story is vague, raises questions rather than provide answers. Like: what’s the weapon she hunts with? And what’s the visual for being “the best in the western world”? Winning Olympic gold? The specific contest that defines the “best” ought to be identified.
Alright. Thanks=)
Alright. Thanks=)