Where is home?
savinh0Samurai
A shy artist from Togo who has just made his secondary education wants to begin studying the art, but is sent by his parents to Germany in order to secure the financial survival of the large family. If its existence, however, blows up, he can forget all his dreams- and his family has to live in poverty.
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Perhaps start with something like this:
A shy young artist from Togo wants to study art, but his parents insist he go to Germany and study finance to secure his large family’s future…
But maybe they want him to work and not study. We need to know this. Avoid wordy phrases like ‘in order to’ when a single word does the job.
Also, real life dictates that if you want to study art, you had better be used to living in near poverty.
Agreed with the above try simplifying it to the main character and what he wants then add in the reason he cant have it. Only after this simplified version add a description of his character.
To help with this try taking out; “who has just made his secondary education wants to begin studying the art, ” and use him being sent away to work as his inciting incident.
Hope this helps.
You really need to work on this. I find it very confused as it is now. So he’s finished his secondary education and wants to study art – the existence of what might blow up? Have a rethink. I’m sure you can work out how to make it clearer.
You really need to work on this. I find it very confused as it is now. So he’s finished his secondary education and wants to study art – the existence of what might blow up? Have a rethink. I’m sure you can work out how to make it clearer.
“An shy artist from Togo is sent by his parents to study arts in Germany to secure the financial survival of the large family, only to find out at arrival it is overtaken by IS terrorists who threaten everybody inside if the US government does not pay 200 million dollars. The artist from Togo?? OK, stop?
The Togo artist does not care because he will now apply at one of the other dozen art schools in Germany, while competition to get accepted for an quality art study is killing.
“An shy artist from Togo is sent by his parents to study arts in Germany to secure the financial survival of the large family, only to find out at arrival it is overtaken by IS terrorists who threaten everybody inside if the US government does not pay 200 million dollars. The artist from Togo?? OK, stop?
The Togo artist does not care because he will now apply at one of the other dozen art schools in Germany, while competition to get accepted for an quality art study is killing.