A sleepaholic student from Los Angeles is determined to find the girl in his dreams, eventually leading him to a spiritual world called soul space, an intermediate dimension which exists between heaven and hell
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A sleepaholic student from Los Angeles is determined to find the girl in his dreams, eventually leading him to a spiritual world called soul space, an intermediate dimension which exists between heaven and hell
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>>>what if the inciting incident is a major twist?
Very good question.? If it’s a major twist then it may be a good candidate for a story? hook, something that captures reader interest, makes them want to read the script.
And logines are sales pitches — not teasers.? So never withhold or bury a story hook.
Major twists that occur in the 1st Act should be in the logline.? Major twists that occur at the end of Act 2 or in Act 3 should never be in a logline. — that would constitute a spoiler.
Another variation:? the twist can be ironical:? something the audience knows about but the protagonist? discovers much later.? Such is the case with the logline I posted for the movie “The Bank Job”.? The audience is in on the story twist from the start, that the motley crew has been set up.? ?But only at the midpoint, after pulling off the heist, do they discover they’ve been set up.
>> she intentionally…
In other words,? she provides the inciting incident.? That should be part of the logline, that her inexplicable and persistent manifestation in of his dreams triggers his quest to find her in his waking life.
Also, the setting, Los Angeles, is? not necessary in the logline.??
You might try adding some immediacy.
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“When the reoccurring?girl he dreams about cries out for help, a sleepaholic student, determined that she is not just a figment of his imagination, sets down the dark path to rescue the girl of his dreams.”