Ghouls
CraigDGriffithsUberwriter
A small town sheriff must protect her town from a pack of ghouls that had for years been kept at bay by bodies supplied by the recently closed crematorium.
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The logline structure needs adjustment in a way that brings the inciting incident in sooner preferable first in the read.
For example:
When a pack of ghouls attack her town a sheriff must fight the beasts to protect the people.
The reason for the ghouls attacking the town is less important as it is not part of the story reserve that for the synopsis. The sheriff’s fight to save her people is what the story is about.
Only question I have is will there be any danger to the town from a pack of ghouls if what they are after are dead bodies?
I think that as a western horror movie the concept is good and needs little explaining to create interest therefor the logline can be as lean as the example above. That said its always a good thing to flesh out an idea with layered character elements.
Is there a personal stake at hand for the sheriff?
What is her flaw?
If you could add these into the logline it would be a great logline for a western horror film.
Hope this helps.
The logline structure needs adjustment in a way that brings the inciting incident in sooner preferable first in the read.
For example:
When a pack of ghouls attack her town a sheriff must fight the beasts to protect the people.
The reason for the ghouls attacking the town is less important as it is not part of the story reserve that for the synopsis. The sheriff’s fight to save her people is what the story is about.
Only question I have is will there be any danger to the town from a pack of ghouls if what they are after are dead bodies?
I think that as a western horror movie the concept is good and needs little explaining to create interest therefor the logline can be as lean as the example above. That said its always a good thing to flesh out an idea with layered character elements.
Is there a personal stake at hand for the sheriff?
What is her flaw?
If you could add these into the logline it would be a great logline for a western horror film.
Hope this helps.
What’s the genre? Horror obviously, but is the story a mashup of horror and comedy? Or is it played straight?
I have no objection to placing the inciting incident at the end of the logline, but I think the plot could be reworded and in fewer words. Maybe something like:
A greenhorn female sheriff in a small town must fight a horde of ghouls after their food bank, the local crematorium, closes.
And, as Nir Shelter noted, perhaps the rules for this world need to be explained: how can ghouls turn from feasting on dead bodies to attacking live ones? After all, maggots don’t feed on live flesh. But that’s for the story proper.
What’s the genre? Horror obviously, but is the story a mashup of horror and comedy? Or is it played straight?
I have no objection to placing the inciting incident at the end of the logline, but I think the plot could be reworded and in fewer words. Maybe something like:
A greenhorn female sheriff in a small town must fight a horde of ghouls after their food bank, the local crematorium, closes.
And, as Nir Shelter noted, perhaps the rules for this world need to be explained: how can ghouls turn from feasting on dead bodies to attacking live ones? After all, maggots don’t feed on live flesh. But that’s for the story proper.
In this world ghouls do the crocodile thing of killing and letting it rot before eating (crocs do eat fresh as well, ghouls don’t). This is a ” cabin in the woods” style action film (so far, as it sits in my head). Possibly all set around the crematorium.
I am glad with the feedback. It appears the idea make internal sense. Flaws I can’t plan. They show themselves during the draft. Every time I think I know the persons flaw, I end up changing it and rewriting. When I let them develop they don’t seem pushed, just my process I guess.
Thanks.
In this world ghouls do the crocodile thing of killing and letting it rot before eating (crocs do eat fresh as well, ghouls don’t). This is a ” cabin in the woods” style action film (so far, as it sits in my head). Possibly all set around the crematorium.
I am glad with the feedback. It appears the idea make internal sense. Flaws I can’t plan. They show themselves during the draft. Every time I think I know the persons flaw, I end up changing it and rewriting. When I let them develop they don’t seem pushed, just my process I guess.
Thanks.