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byron79Logliner
A social media influencer-environmentalist is forced to work with a disreputable concrete manufacturer, to bolster its “green” credibility, after she loses all her money in a card game to the manufacturer’s owner.
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And then what happens? What’s her goal? What sustains the 90min+ runtime? This is kinda just the inciting incident.
Since this is a drama, I feel like her losing ALL her money in a card game is somewhat “because the plot demands it”. If it were a comedy, you might (might) get away with it. This is just my opinion though.
I think a stronger protagonist would be one who wasn’t forced into something.
The story subject is contemporary, but I agree with Mike Pedley about the inciting incident. It seems unimaginative, contrived. Why not derive an inciting incident from contemporary events, like the pandemic that has disrupted the business models of millions of hard hustling, small time entrepreneurs (which social media influencers are) ? An authentic crisis is an opportunity to valuable to waste when it comes to drama.
And I agree with Mike that the logline gives only a vague idea of what the objective goal. What does “forced to work with” mean in terms of a specific objective goal?
“When she loses all her money in a card game to a shady businessman, a social media influencer-environmentalist must bolster his disreputable company’s environmental credibility or he will call her in to collect.”