Penpusher
Posted: 2017-01-21T03:40:22+10:00 In:

A socially withdrawn girl creates a fantasy world while riding on the bus and falls in love with the boy who sits across from her, but he takes her places in her head she doesn?t want to face.

A socially withdrawn girl creates a fantasy world while riding on the bus and falls in love with the boy who sits across from her, but he takes her places in her head she doesn?t want to face.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      What’s at stake? You have a girl on a bus day dreaming but is there any possible consequences that could happen? If so I would add it to the logline.

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    2. Singularity

      As CraigDGriffigths said. “Doesn’t want to face” — what does that mean? ?The logline needs to clarify the dramatic problem and what she must do about it — what becomes her objective goal.

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      Good setup, but a little vague.

      He takes her places? In her mind, in real life?

      That feels like the movie and it only gets a few words at the end. Sometimes a beautiful setup is hard to throw away. But you need space for the story.

      • 0