Logliner
Posted: 2013-06-16T09:23:39+10:00 In:

A soldier called "Belaid" decides to go to war in Sahara and fights alone because he failes his first love. Rejected by death, a ghost "his father" suddenly appears to him, just to advise him to leave his place to find another love "Zahra" When ? Belaid ? meets her ,both confront fierce and an ambitious enemy named "Laaouar.",

the sebtinel

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    2 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Whoa, way too confusing. I don’t understand what is happening here at all. Just keep it simple, don’t give me names. Who is your protagonist? A soldier – what sort of soldier? A grizzled veteran? A bright eyed new recruit? Be clear about who they are, and what their PRIMARY, outward goal in the story is.

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    2. Singularity

      This is a second attempt if I remember correct, the first one was actually more confusing.

      Nick is correct. You have given us a tons of information now you have to cut it down and clarify a bit. He gives good advice.

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