A soldier returns home with a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, and a desire to become a professional high stakes poker player, believing it is a safer lifestyle. So she thought.
SteveLogliner
A soldier returns home with a Bronze Star, a Purple Heart, and a desire to become a professional high stakes poker player, believing it is a safer lifestyle. So she thought.
Share
I think the “Bronze Star, a Purple Heart…” is nice, but too much detail unless you can make it relevant to poker playing.
Secondly, what is the tangible threat? I think you need to say what in the ‘lifestyle’ is such a danger so we can connect.
This is a set-up not a story. The story would be what happens when he becomes a poker player.
As KW ?and Richiev said. ?
The logline needs to spell out a specific dramatic problem, a specific threat — not a vague hint of one. ?As it is, while there’s almost too much information (for a logline) about the character there’s not enough information what the the plot. ?We know who the story is about but not what the story is about.
The logline needs to provide a specific inciting incident that creates a specific dramatic problem that compels the character to commit to a specific objective goal in order to solve the problem.
Was there a specific event that made him want to become a poker player? If so, that would make for the inciting incident and needs to be described, if not you need to come up with an event that would logically motivate him to want to play poker. Perhaps he needs a large amount of money for a good cause and is also a good poker player, now he must become one for the cause, whatever it may be.