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Posted: 2017-04-05T06:52:30+10:00 In:

A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness.

A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The goal is obvious enough to me (although the wording may need a polish): ?he’s Moses-in-outer-space leading his crew to ?a better world, to an alluring paradise.

      But is it the real deal, or only a mirage? ?Is the descent into madness the result of pursuing a delusion?

      I sense some interesting raw ore for a psycho-drama, but I think the concept needs refining.

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    2. Singularity

      Is finding paradise the inciting incident? If so what is the causal connection to his goal? And as Richiev asked, what is his goal?

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    3. Singularity

      You have not given us a goal for the lead character, that is an important missing piece of your logline.
      ———————————–
      “As he explores an idyllic planet which ?could serve as the new home for humanity, an intrepid explore must fight his way back to his spaceship when the supposed Paradise turns deadly.”

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    4. Samurai

      FORWARD TO THE PAST
      When a Space Commander leads his team in the first IWE (International Wormhole Expedition), he returns to Earth but its 10 million B.C. ?Now he must fight predators and figure out a way to get his team home while maintaining his sanity.

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    5. Uberwriter
      • A space explorer leads an expedition after believing to have discovered paradise which gradually descends into madness.

      A space explorer leads an expedition to a new world only to… (now what does he need to overcome, and what are the stakes if he doesn’t?)

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