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Alan SmitheePenpusher
A spirited daughter of Italian immigrants experiences first love while battling family disapproval and a massive tank of molasses that threatens to demolish her Boston neighborhood.
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Hi dheld70
A spirited daughter of Italian immigrants experiences first love while battling family disapproval.
…is enough.
The other stuff is just character resistance.
Normally I would agree, however, the massive tank of molasses is kinda what hooks me to the story.
Alright.
Guess I just need some info on why the molasses are important to the story and what it has to do with the love story…
And.. maybe the opponents are too many… Let’s see:
What if…
When a massive tank of molasses threatens to demolish her neighborhood, a spirited daughter of Italian immigrants must let go of her first true love and move far away with her parents – or find a way for the neighborhood, and her relationship with her love to survive.
I think this shows you can’t have 2 main opponents (parents AND melasses). But maybe I’m wrong…. 🙂
Happy writing. 🙂
Nis, Denmark
I agree, two main opponents in a logline is a bit much.
I have seen stories about disapproving parents but honestly, I am curious what that whole tank of molasses is all about.
So I think your instincts are good.
Yerh, me too. I am from Denmark. And had to translate ‘melasses’. Some kind of honey/syrup stuff. Interesting.
So please keep on writing. 🙂