Transfer Version Two
Knightrider1984Penpusher
A struggling CIA consultant fights for survival after a secretive and morally corrupt government agency forces him to kill his team by overwriting his consciousness with that of an assassin's.
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Great tip. I will look to rewrite to show how to illustrate that there is a temporary aspect.
Yep, getting a few key memories to really give the antagonist the opportunity to know exactly where to strike the protagonist, what would really hurt the guy, what would make him turn himself in.
The killer should have better control over what has happened, while the protagonist struggles to remain in control unable to deal with the horrific imagery now in his mind, but as mentioned it is because of the swap he will have a chance of survival.
So I guess I could also have the killer lose a memory that perhaps hindered him from becoming something even more dangerous, which is now I the head of the protagonist.
Really appreciate the feedback.
Great tip. I will look to rewrite to show how to illustrate that there is a temporary aspect.
Yep, getting a few key memories to really give the antagonist the opportunity to know exactly where to strike the protagonist, what would really hurt the guy, what would make him turn himself in.
The killer should have better control over what has happened, while the protagonist struggles to remain in control unable to deal with the horrific imagery now in his mind, but as mentioned it is because of the swap he will have a chance of survival.
So I guess I could also have the killer lose a memory that perhaps hindered him from becoming something even more dangerous, which is now I the head of the protagonist.
Really appreciate the feedback.
Thanks for the clarification. The premise raise all kinds of interesting complications and plot twists that you can’t cram into a logline, of course. But If you can slip in a few words that it’s a temporary swap out without inordinately lengthening the logline, I think it might be a winner.
On suggestion (beyond the scope of the logline) is that as a result of the swap out the antagonist gains a few high cards in his hand (mind actually), to play, too. Better yet, he comes out ahead as a result of the swap in terms of memories,cognitive ability, whatever.
Or at least that mental instability is a side-effect in the brain of the good guy, too, as a character flaw. (An unavoidable hazard for all consciousness’s involved in the swap.)
I suggest that because one of the standard m.o.’s for escalating suspense and jeopardy is for the bad guy to get all the luck, all the breaks. The good guys get none; he has to work for everything.
fwiw
Thanks for the clarification. The premise raise all kinds of interesting complications and plot twists that you can’t cram into a logline, of course. But If you can slip in a few words that it’s a temporary swap out without inordinately lengthening the logline, I think it might be a winner.
On suggestion (beyond the scope of the logline) is that as a result of the swap out the antagonist gains a few high cards in his hand (mind actually), to play, too. Better yet, he comes out ahead as a result of the swap in terms of memories,cognitive ability, whatever.
Or at least that mental instability is a side-effect in the brain of the good guy, too, as a character flaw. (An unavoidable hazard for all consciousness’s involved in the swap.)
I suggest that because one of the standard m.o.’s for escalating suspense and jeopardy is for the bad guy to get all the luck, all the breaks. The good guys get none; he has to work for everything.
fwiw
The way I saw the process working is the victim’s mind is downloaded into a virtual waiting room, while the Assassinis uploaded. The once the mission is complete the process is reversed. In this story there is a problem, meaning the protagonist has memories of the Assassin’s previous missions, but also importantly, he now has his training, so he can now use a fire arm and defend himself, however I do picture a scene where his body simply can’t do what he thinks he can as muscle memory is completely different thing. (So perhaps overwritten was not the right word)
Also, this would put the antagonist’s plans under threat two fold. Firstly, their Assassin is now missing memories, has memories that don’t belong to him, which makes him a more unstable killer. Secondly, the protagonist is now walking around with secrets of various missions in his head making him a target.
Meanwhile, the protagonist is not only struggling to remain alive while on the run, but now he is having to cope with almost an infection of the consciousness.
However, altering the story to so he is constantly torn between who he is and this other consciousness, which he needs access to have any chance of fighting off the constant attacks sounds fascinating. Plus could give the antagonist a chance to attack my protagonist’s main flaw.
Guess, will get brainstorming version 4.0
The way I saw the process working is the victim’s mind is downloaded into a virtual waiting room, while the Assassinis uploaded. The once the mission is complete the process is reversed. In this story there is a problem, meaning the protagonist has memories of the Assassin’s previous missions, but also importantly, he now has his training, so he can now use a fire arm and defend himself, however I do picture a scene where his body simply can’t do what he thinks he can as muscle memory is completely different thing. (So perhaps overwritten was not the right word)
Also, this would put the antagonist’s plans under threat two fold. Firstly, their Assassin is now missing memories, has memories that don’t belong to him, which makes him a more unstable killer. Secondly, the protagonist is now walking around with secrets of various missions in his head making him a target.
Meanwhile, the protagonist is not only struggling to remain alive while on the run, but now he is having to cope with almost an infection of the consciousness.
However, altering the story to so he is constantly torn between who he is and this other consciousness, which he needs access to have any chance of fighting off the constant attacks sounds fascinating. Plus could give the antagonist a chance to attack my protagonist’s main flaw.
Guess, will get brainstorming version 4.0
While intriguing, version 3.0 of my consciousness is confused about the premise. If the CIA consultant’s consciousness has been overwritten, hasn’t it ceased to exist? And if so, while there would be a CIA consultant’s body, there would no longer be the original consciousness to “fight for survival”.
Or do both consciousnesses co-exist in the same brain-body? In which case you have an interesting twist on the Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde.
Please clarify.
While intriguing, version 3.0 of my consciousness is confused about the premise. If the CIA consultant’s consciousness has been overwritten, hasn’t it ceased to exist? And if so, while there would be a CIA consultant’s body, there would no longer be the original consciousness to “fight for survival”.
Or do both consciousnesses co-exist in the same brain-body? In which case you have an interesting twist on the Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde.
Please clarify.