Black Sheep
shaanklePenpusher
A stubbornly independent man and his team of professional muggers need to stop a new rival team that doesn?t abide by the rules of mugging etiquette.
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I take it that this is a comedy? What will happen if they can’t stop the new rival team?
Try to restructure it with the inciting event at the beginning. And stress the comedy aspect in the writing (if it’s a comedy. I hope it’s a comedy).
One more thing, an indipendent man in a team? I would avoid ‘indipendent’. And I’m not sure stubbern is the good characterisation. Try to find what is the most far from a “new team” in town. Maybe a nostalgic, or someone very fond on mugger’s traditions?
To everyone asking, yes, this is a comedy! And thank you for the responses! Much appreciated.
Hmm how would I stress the comedy aspect?
Yup, it is! Hmm I didn?t even think to add the answer to that in the logline. Thanks!
By “stubbornly independent”, I mean that’s the protagonist’s greatest flaw. I believe it’s always essential to have a flaw or trait of the protagonist in the logline. I’m trying to get across that he’s stubborn about letting others in and accepting outside help (except from his own team).
He could be protective of his mugger’s code of etiquette. To make sure it’s clear that it’s a comedy, you could call him a screwball mugger. Often the adjectives you use to describe people and situations help to indicate the genre. How about his rival’s team refusing to attend his muggers school of etiquette? I like your idea. There’s lots of room hear for fun and games.