Logliner
Posted: 2017-05-21T00:24:02+10:00 In:

A team full of talented people lose to a below average team due to teamwork, so they hire the other teams coach.

A team full of talented people lose to a below average team due to teamwork, so they hire the other teams coach.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The main thing is, your lead should have a personal goal
      Your character should have lost something personal, like his girlfriend.
      Now in order to get her back he and the good looking team hire the washed up coach of the underdog team believing if he wins the championship he will get the girl back,
      Only to realize she left him because he did not treat her right, it wasn’t about winning all along it was about who he was. (He was a jerk before now he has to grow into a better person)

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    2. Singularity
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    3. Singularity

      Not sure how to word the logline because I’m still not clear on, hence, sold on the premise.

      One thing I am sure of, however, is you need to settle on a sport and embed it into the logline because how the story plays out will depend on the particulars of that sport.

      Movie makers aren’t looking for a generic concept into which they can plug any sport. ?They are looking for you to figure that all out yourself, to present them with a polished script that is, yes, a new and funny take on an old genre.

      >>>But then you?ve got a lot of characters and relationships to define and work around. Especially training,etc.

      That’s your job as a writer to learn all there is to know about the sport and figure out the details. ?I’m writing ?a coming of age script about a high school basketball season and in doing my research, I discovered an obscure rule that is so cool for a plot twist, I reworked my script to utilize it. ?If I had assumed that just because I played basketball in high school, I knew all there was to know to write the script, I would have not have known about the obscure rule — and my script would be the lesser for it.

      Just saying.

      >>>It?s not so much that the audience should care if they win

      Actually, it does matter. ?It’s the nature of the genre. ?Every genre is defined by its set of stock characters and stock situations and the audience expects to see them. ?They don’t have to win the championship ?but hiring a new coach has got to make a difference on the scoreboard. ?(Or at least the guy has got to get the girl in the end ?– like in “Bull Durham”.) ?Otherwise, what’s the point of the plot? ?What changes?

      fwiw

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    4. Singularity

      You have described a situation not a story,
      The logline tells us about story
      The story would be what they do once the new coach is hired.

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    5. Singularity

      What’s the sport? ?And what’s at stake? ?Why should we in the audience care whether or not they win?

      And it’s not at all unusual to hire away a winning coach from another team. ?That’s standard operating procedure in the business of sports. ?So what’s your hook in this story? ?What makes it stand out as different? What is the unique twist?

      And who is the specific (protagonist?) who does the hiring? Or is this an ensemble story? ?If so, how big is the cast of major characters?

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