Penpusher
Posted: 2012-07-02T11:16:17+10:00 In:

A teenage girl saves the life of an old woman, who in return, grants the girl one wish ? to be anyone but herself.

First post on here. Kid gloves are not authorized.

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    4 Reviews

    1. That’s a great rewrite! Thanks!

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    2. Interesting inciting incident. My advice is: she needs an obtainable goal. What has she always wanted that she now has a chance of getting because of this wish? Be prom queen? Make a million dollars? Kill the man who murdered her parents? Get the boy?

      The goal will give us a hint as to who she’ll choose to be and what kind of movie we can expect, sparking further interest.

      Also, give her a strength and weakness so we are promised an inner journey. This also helps us understand why she wants what she wants.

      Here’s an example:

      “A shy teenage outcast finally has a chance to be prom queen when an old woman grants her one wish ? to be anyone but herself.”

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    3. Hi Geoff, and welcome! As far as the logline is concerned, I think it says all it needs to say, truthfully. I can’t think of a thing I would change. Good job!

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    4. I like the premise, but I’d like to hear about a complication. Maybe the girl turns into someone famous, and the old woman becomes the girl! The former girl now has to make a difficult choice: continue with her enchanted life of fame or somehow return to her old life to spare her friends, family, teachers, etc., the bizarre behaviour of the old woman masquerading as the girl.

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