A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler’s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide.
AndrewriterPenpusher
A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler’s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide.
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“A teenage Jewish boy in a Nazi death camp sets out to keep the promise of love with Hitler?s daughter and find the mystery of her who once tricked him as Jewish from the genocide.”
After reading this logline, the first thing I thought was: “What?”
A logline is supposed to clearly convey the concept of a story, and it is made for movie makers, people who would invest money into this project, it is made to make them want to read the script. But after reading this logline I simply have no clue what is going on. So, for starters, try checking out the Formula tab at the top of the page.
But from what I can discern from this logline attempt, is that a Jewish boy is in love with Hitler’s daughter. Okay. That sounds like it has potential. So, what is this boy’s goal? What does he wish to accomplish. What conflict arises from his goal? Who is the antagonist? What is the event that makes him set this goal?
Reading through it, it seems his goal is to uncover the mystery of something about Hitler’s daughter, but I don’t understand what the last part means.
So:
What is the single, specific event which upends the protagonist’s life? This event motivates him to continue through the rest of the story. (For example, In Star Wars, the inciting incident is when Luke returns home and finds his family has been killed by Stormtroopers.)
What goal does he set, what must he accomplish because of this event? (In Star Wars, Luke’s goal is to fight the Empire, it is to help the Rebellion.)
And how does he go about completing this goal? (In Star Wars Luke learns to become a Jedi and uses the Force to aid the Rebellion.)
I hope this helps.
You might want to have another try at this one.
It is obvious from this and past loglines you have a story to tell.
Now it is just a matter of telling us what that story is, in a clear and concise way.
Agree with Richiev on this, excellent advice and I wish you luck with this interesting angle on Hollywood’s most interesting man ever: A. HITLER.
I said it before, I’ll say it again , the hook of the story is Hitler having an illicit daughter. ?IMHO, ?she ought to be the protagonist; the plot should be framed around her. Her romantic relationship with a Jewish boy would be a good plot complication, but I don’t think see him as the story hook character; she is.
My 2.5 cents worth.
Agreed with DPG.
The multiple attempts at this logline alone bare testimony to a problem with the story, perhaps try a different angle.