Penpusher
Posted: 2017-08-23T10:15:08+10:00 In:

A troubled young woman, tying to outrun an oppressive past, flees to the outback, only to find herself in the way of an ancient malevolent spirit awakened by a thirst for revenge and hell bent on destruction.

A troubled young woman, tying to outrun an oppressive past, flees to the outback, only to find herself in the way of an ancient malevolent spirit awakened by a thirst for revenge and hell bent on destruction.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      She’s troubled, oppressed, running away from everything and then just happens to find herself in the path of a revenge-seeking supernatural? Why does it want to get revenge on her?

      Describe the prot a different, yet relative to having the skills of completing the goal, while focusing on her fight with the spirit, what needs to be overcome or else something bad will happen.

      • 0
    2. Logliner

      I like it. ?It gets the job done. ?I know what I’m in for.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      If the past is important to the story then it is important to the logline. For instance if, ?in the past, your mild mannered family man was a mob hitman… now bad guys have come to town and his past becomes relevant to the story, then it needs to be in the logline

      However I am not use how the abusive past will be relevant to stopping an evil spirit…

      As a result you should do one of two things,

      1: ?Add to the logline how her past is relevant to the story…
      or
      2: Remove the beginning part of the logline and focus on what she must do to stop the spirit and leave her backstory for the script.

      I believe either will improve the logline.

      • 0
    4. Uberwriter

      As Richiev suggests, option 2 seems to be the better approach.

      An oppressed woman runs from her past only to find she must stop a vengeful spirit before it destroys everything in its path.

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      What does “…oppressed…” mean in specific and visual terms? How is it relevant to the plot of defeating the monster?

      This logline is vague and confusing, mostly as a result of it lacking a clear plot and motivation. I suggest reveres engineering the logline from the goal. What specifically does the MC need to achieve by the end of the story?

      • 0