Penpusher
Posted: 2017-07-15T07:43:39+10:00 In:

A twelve-year-old orphan and his uncle journey to another dimension, while battling monsters of Christmas legend, in order to unravel the mystery of the heritage hidden from them by a strange, ancient magic.

A twelve-year-old orphan and his uncle journey to another dimension, while battling monsters of Christmas legend, in order to unravel the mystery of the heritage hidden from them by a strange, ancient magic.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      What triggers the Journey; that incident seems to be missing from your logline.

      “When Santa is turned into a brain eating zombie…” (Just as an example)

      Then tell us what they must do about it.

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    2. Singularity

      Hi Jessflower,

      This concept doesn’t seem to describe a clear plot, which is the primary function a logline must fulfill.

      I think you may benefit from studying the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar before attempting your next draft.

      In the meantime, here are a few pointers to get you started.

      An MC is best described by his or her flaw and or social/professional position. In this case, age seems less relevant than his flaw, so what is it the orphan must overcome?

      Secondly, there is no definitive start to the story. What is the one event that motivates the orphan to take action in the first place?

      Lastly, a plot needs a clear goal and “…unravel the mystery of the heritage…” is not one. What does unravel mean in practical terms? How will this be filmed by a camera? Is there one clear objective outer goal you can describe instead?

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