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Aimeedis
Posted: June 10, 20122012-06-10T18:43:17+10:00 2012-06-10T18:43:17+10:00In: Public

A unpredictable woman wanders into the live of an unconventional and disillusioned psychiatrist, by giving up her identity she start them off on a profound journey to comprehend the meaning of her live. With his help she finds her answers and leaves him with his own questions.

I chewed on this way to long….

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    4 Reviews

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    1. GXavier
      2012-06-11T12:20:45+10:00Added an answer on June 11, 2012 at 12:20 pm

      Use “An” before a word starting with a vowel. I think you mean “life” not “live”. Is English your second language?

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    2. Aimeedis
      2012-06-11T18:04:13+10:00Added an answer on June 11, 2012 at 6:04 pm

      Sorry, I did pick up on those while rewriting? again.
      Being Dutch living in France you could say English is my second language, ?

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    3. Aimeedis
      2012-06-11T18:08:06+10:00Added an answer on June 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

      A new rewrite:

      An unpredictable woman, gives up her identity and wanders into the life of a disillusioned psychiatrist. Her questions starts them off on a profound journey to comprehend the meaning of life.

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    4. patrockable
      2012-06-12T11:28:54+10:00Added an answer on June 12, 2012 at 11:28 am

      Hello. I’m sensing an intersting self discovery movie. My advice is: be more specific!

      Phrases like “gives up her identity”, and “a profound journey to comprehend the meaning of life.” are too vague and don’t tell us much about the story.

      Tell us more about the main character. What does she do, and what are her strengths/flaws?

      Tell us what causes her to go on this journey. Meeting the psychiatrist? This would be your “major event” or inciting incident.

      Also, be more specific about the main character’s goal. Perhaps tell us where she and the psychiatrist are journeying to, and what they plan to do when they get there?

      Check out the how to write it section at:

      https://loglines.org/howto/

      To begin with, try to structure your logline as:

      When [a major event happens], [the Hero], must [do the main action].

      Maybe something like:

      When a recently divorced librarian meets a disillusioned psychatrist, she travels through Burma with him to find the temple of Enlightenment.

      LOL. But fill it in with your story 🙂

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