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A washed up celebrity in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife, is knocked unconscious by a plane crash and awakens believing he is a super hero from one his films.
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Thanks for the feedback everyone. Very helpful.
Thanks for the feedback everyone. Very helpful.
Language is very important, so when I see “knocked unconscious by a plane crash”, I know what you mean, but I still think “did the plane crash into him?”
Just something to look out for…
Language is very important, so when I see “knocked unconscious by a plane crash”, I know what you mean, but I still think “did the plane crash into him?”
Just something to look out for…
You have a good base for a story in this log line. By defining the MC as a “…washed up celebrity…” you’re specifying the MC as potentially either disillusioned or deluded. This means the inner journey will be about him learning to either not be bitter about life or learn to accept reality.
The MC’s journey to achieving the outer goal will need to be a metaphor for either one or the other inner journey’s I mentioned above.
At this stage as mentioned by DPG and Lee Brooks, “…a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife…” seams unrelated to the plot and the logline would benefit from removing it.
If you could clarify what the objective outer goal is that the MC needs to achieve and relate it to the inner journey then this could be a very interesting logline.
Hope this helps.
You have a good base for a story in this log line. By defining the MC as a “…washed up celebrity…” you’re specifying the MC as potentially either disillusioned or deluded. This means the inner journey will be about him learning to either not be bitter about life or learn to accept reality.
The MC’s journey to achieving the outer goal will need to be a metaphor for either one or the other inner journey’s I mentioned above.
At this stage as mentioned by DPG and Lee Brooks, “…a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife…” seams unrelated to the plot and the logline would benefit from removing it.
If you could clarify what the objective outer goal is that the MC needs to achieve and relate it to the inner journey then this could be a very interesting logline.
Hope this helps.
I like your logline. It introduces your protagonist and states your inciting incident. It’s also a good length. You need to make clear, though, whether it’s a story about the custody battle, (in which case you need to get rid of the comma after ex-wife), or whether it’s a story about something else that needs to be stated, (in which case the entire phrase ‘in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife’ should be marked off with commas). Also, is it a comedy, because that’s not clear from your logline — which includes a bitter custody battle?
Not sure how in-demand another superhero screenplay would be at the moment. But after some minor tweaking of your logline and if I were looking for something in that genre, I’d definitely give your story a read.
I’ll be very interested in seeing how your logline evolves. Also interested in seeing the feedback you get from the others.
I like your logline. It introduces your protagonist and states your inciting incident. It’s also a good length. You need to make clear, though, whether it’s a story about the custody battle, (in which case you need to get rid of the comma after ex-wife), or whether it’s a story about something else that needs to be stated, (in which case the entire phrase ‘in a bitter custody battle with his scheming ex-wife’ should be marked off with commas). Also, is it a comedy, because that’s not clear from your logline — which includes a bitter custody battle?
Not sure how in-demand another superhero screenplay would be at the moment. But after some minor tweaking of your logline and if I were looking for something in that genre, I’d definitely give your story a read.
I’ll be very interested in seeing how your logline evolves. Also interested in seeing the feedback you get from the others.
When a washed-up movie star is knocked unconscious and awakens believing he is a superhero from one of his movies…
Well what? I can think of a lot of things to fill out the sentence, but it’s your concept, your character. What do you want him to do as a result of the accident? What becomes his objective goal? Dedicate his life to rescuing the poor, the downtrodden, fair damsels in distress? Defeat another nefarious conspiracy by the arch (and fictional) nemesis of his films? What?? The logline has possibilities, but I think it needs to hint at the fun & games of the premise that will follow.
(The custody battle, plane crash are details for the story proper — not necessary in the logline.)
When a washed-up movie star is knocked unconscious and awakens believing he is a superhero from one of his movies…
Well what? I can think of a lot of things to fill out the sentence, but it’s your concept, your character. What do you want him to do as a result of the accident? What becomes his objective goal? Dedicate his life to rescuing the poor, the downtrodden, fair damsels in distress? Defeat another nefarious conspiracy by the arch (and fictional) nemesis of his films? What?? The logline has possibilities, but I think it needs to hint at the fun & games of the premise that will follow.
(The custody battle, plane crash are details for the story proper — not necessary in the logline.)