Samurai
Posted: 2019-10-18T20:01:08+10:00 In:

A wholesome young woman gets her dream job at a cutthroat real estate agency but must compete with its high-powered male agents during a housing slump.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Okay. Thanks everyone. I’ll give this another go…

      • 0
    2. Mentor

      In addition to lacking stakes as Richiev points out, there is a problem with adjectives.

      You describe the woman as “wholesome” and the real estate agency as “cutthroat”. If the agency has a reputation for being a cutthroat, why would working there be a “dream job” for a wholesome woman? I think the situation you want is one in which a wholesome woman takes her dream job at a prestigious real estate agency, only to find out that the other agents are cutthroats. Even then, you still have the problem of what is at stake for the woman.

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    3. Singularity

      I understand the story, A woman is increasingly pressured to compromise her values in order to succeed at her job.

      However, one thing that might improve this logline is; (Besides the Job) what will the lead character lose if she fails?

      What are the stakes?

      In other words, A wholesome woman gets a job at a cutthroat real estate agency, she is confronted with a situation where she must compromise her values… so she quits.

      But if she can’t quit, if there is something that she will lose if she quits, then you have a real conflict.

      You put your lead character in a deep hole and the only thing that will get her out of the hole is succeeding at her new job but in order to succeed at her job she must compromise her values and who she is as a person… Conflict

      ?

      • 0