Dust Demons
DavronPenpusher
A year after the end of a bitter war between mysterious creatures and the human race, a knight in outback Australia discovers a mysterious aboriginal boy, together they learn the grim reality that the war is far from over.
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I am reading this logine trying to figure out the inciting incident.
It seems that ‘learning the war isn’t over’ is the inciting incident. The story would be about what the two of them must do about it.
As Richiev said.
The only way I can make sense of the logline is to guess that the Aboriginal boy possesses some mystical 6th sense that reveals to the knight that while the war may have ceased in the apparent world of the 1st 4 dimensions (Space + time), it is now being waged in other dimensions — with greater stakes.
But I’m just guessing that is what the story is about. I dunno. And a logline shouldn’t leave a reader scratching his head, wondering what the story is about. A logline should leave a reader wondering how the story is going to play out (ergo, want to read the script).
What Richiev and DPG said.
Also as a side note there are too many vague or generic descriptions in this logline:
“…bitter war?” – nuclear, chemical warfare, all out invasion, etc?
“…mysterious creatures?” – mysterious in what way? Do they have special powers? Highly superior technology and weapons?
“…mysterious aboriginal?” – similar to the above, mysterious in what way? What makes him mysterious? Is there a reason for the child to be a boy not a girl if so why?
“…grim reality that the war is far from over?” – is the war still being waged in a far away land from Australia? Is there a cease fire and the enemy is planning a sneak attack? Is the war out of sight for most people?
Hope this helps.