Logliner
Posted: 2016-01-26T01:14:58+10:00 In:

A young, cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time with his two newly met friends from differing social standards to stop evil forces plotting to take down their transatlantic flight.

A young, cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time with his two newly met friends from differing social standards to stop evil forces plotting to take down their transatlantic flight.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      What DPG and Richiev said.
      Also how does being a cocky walking encyclopedia either help or hinder the main character’s efforts?

      The character description should either explain how the main character will have an obstacle he or she must overcome in their inner journey before achieving their outer goal, or provide them with the means to successfully achieve their objective in the plot. Currently the main character description doesn’t appear to do either.

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    2. Singularity

      What’s the inciting incident?? That is, how does he come to know that there are evil forces out to sabotage the plane?on which he is traveling?

      And what’s the plot gimmick, the means by which he is able travel back in time?

      And if he’s a walking encyclopedia, why doesn’t he have the smarts and know-It-all to stop the evil forces in the present, while he’s on the plane?? What does he lack in the present that he can only acquire by going back to the non-future?

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    3. Singularity

      Your logline lacks specifics, therefore it comes across as vague and doesn’t grip the reader. Here are some suggestions

      A young (Drop young), cocky walking encyclopedia must travel back in time (To when, be specific) with his two, newly met friends from differing social standards (Drop the friends or explain why they are relevant) ?to stop evil forces (What evil forces, Terrorists? Ghosts? Jehovah Witness’s; be specific) plotting (Don’t say they must stop them from plotting, say the must stop them from destroying the plane) to take down their transatlantic flight.

      Question: How do they go back in time? Do they have a time machine, is it a spell, magic fairy dust?

      Question: ?If they go back in time, won’t they fall a long way to the earth? After all, the characters will be in a different time but the plane won’t be. So there will be no plane around them and they will fall. However if the entire plane goes into the past, where would they land? Would there even be an airport?

      Hope that helped, good luck with this.

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