A young ex basketball player finds himself falling in love with his best friend, but being feared to hurt her due to his post-traumatic stress disorder, he must learn to cope in order to move forward with her before he lose her for good.
RocBoogieLogliner
A young ex basketball player finds himself falling in love with his best friend, but being feared to hurt her due to his post-traumatic stress disorder, he must learn to cope in order to move forward with her before he lose her for good.
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I think this logline needs to include why the main character has PTSD.
As an example:
Two years after witnessing the murder of his mother, a young man falls in love with his best friend.?Diagnosed?with PTSD, he must find a way to live with the past and not let love pass him by.
I don’t think “ex-basketball player” is necessary to include unless, besides the love aspect, his second goal is to start playing basketball again.
It’s the PTSD experience that gives him an identity not the fact he used to play basketball. (As in, he’s “the guy who experienced…whatever trauma” not “the guy who once played basketball”.)
This concept doesn’t grab/hook my attention, it’s a love story – boy meets girl, boy falls in love with a girl, and they end up together. The main reason why this concept fails to grab me is the generic descriptions – “…young…” means nothing in a logline, as life teaches us, that word gets redefined the older we get. A fifteen year old work experience assistant I had a few years ago, called me an old man on account of my 35 years of age at the time, I doubt he would do the same when he reaches his thirties. Is the MC a teenager, early twenties, mid twenties or late twenties?
In what way does his being a basketball player help or hinder his efforts to get the girl? It doesn’t sound like it does either, is there a better description you could use for the main character?
What makes love stories, and especially boy meets girl stories, interesting is the force that keeps the lovers apart. In this case, you chose PTSD, but what’s not clear is the actions he’ll take to overcome the condition, that’s the bulk of act two – the meat of your story.
Just curious, is being an ‘ex-basketball player’ important to the story?
If it is important then, by all means, keep it in the logline
However, it seems as though being an ex-marine or ex-soldier would be more relevant since the lead has PTSD.
(When he) finds himself falling in love with his best friend
(When he) falls for his best friend
Fewer words are better than more. Always look for ways to say the same thing but with fewer words.
Less is more
After realising he is in love with his friend a man suffering with PTSD struggles to get well so he can tell her of his feelings before losing her forever.