Penpusher
Posted: 2019-03-31T17:05:04+10:00 In:

A young man?s life begins to unravel when he receives? a mysterious text from his dead girlfriend?s cell phone.

A young man?s life begins to unravel when he receives? a mysterious text from his dead girlfriend?s cell phone.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      What happens next? This is a great inciting incident but we need to know what the character is going to do about it.

      Can you give us some more information about this guy? “A young man” is an incredibly broad stroke for our protagonist. If the fact that he’s a “young” man has no bearing on the story then consider giving us something else and make it relevant to the story you’re telling. In my head this story doesn’t change if this guy is 20 or 50. Also give us a characteristic. Something that will give us a clue either to the character’s arc or how he’ll deal with his situation.

      Hope this helps.

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      Yup. It’s a good setup and after “must” is the real story or bulk of the story. Two examples popped into mind:

      …a high school quarterback must secretly investigate his own friends to find her killer.

      …a college dropout must battle increasing horror and analyze the relationship to determine why she’s haunting him.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      “When he receives a mysterious text from his dead girlfriend’s phone, a (Student?) must…” (Then tell us what he must do)

      • 0