Logliner
Posted: 2019-11-29T12:01:54+10:00 In:

A young medium is tasked with cleansing an old mansion but the spirits would kill to protect their dark secrets.

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    5 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      “…would kill…” should be ‘kill’ – make the danger imminent.

      Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal.

      For example:

      After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      A logline ideally should be under 35 words but it?s simply a guideline to make you think hard about what elements are essential to understanding your story. The fact your protagonist is a con artist is a huge story point because that immediately changes everything. So the question now is who is she conning and why? The answers to all of these questions don?t have to be in the logline but we ask them so you consider whether it should be.

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    3. Best Answer
      Logliner

      Yes, she is a con artist . No powers or abilities but I thought logline are suppose to be 25 characters long how can I fit all of that info into one line

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    4. Best Answer
      Singularity

      First, is the “Who” important, and by who, I mean the person or people who hire the medium?

      I only ask because if it’s her sister hires her to cleanse the house, that is one story, if it’s some mega-corporation it’s another.

      …

      Also, what will she lose if she fails in her mission, is it just her life?

      Perhaps her credibility is at stake, maybe she has been accused of being a fraud and this is her last chance at proving herself?

      …

      Also, is the medium legitimate or a fraud. The story would be interesting either way, Imagine if the medium was a scam artist who doesn’t believe in ghosts, using tricks to fool her clients, now she goes to the house to perform an elaborate hoax cleansing and suddenly she is faced with a real malevolent entity.

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    5. Best Answer
      Singularity

      I feel like there needs to be more here to sustain a 90min+ runtime (unless it’s a short of course). I think there needs to be a midpoint where he discovers the dark secret then he spends the remainder trying to escape or something. It’s still a little thin though. If the discovery of the secret is the climax of act I then I think the logline should include what this secret is. If it happens later then perhaps not.

      What else can you tell us about the medium? What’s their character flaw? Their arc? Does the story change if it’s an old medium?

      Why this medium? Is there any kind of connection between this house, the spirits, and the medium?

       

       

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