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A young rookie cop responds to noise complaint that turns sour when the offender turns out to be a mentally disturbed drug addict that forces him to take a drug that allows him to see demons.
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Awesome inciting incident for a spooky supernatural thriller! I like the demon-seeing drug idea. What is the hero’s goal once he sees the demons, and what must he do to accomplish it?
Also, check out this “how to” if you haven’t done so.
https://loglines.org/howto/
I’m a big fan of the “When [a major event happens], [the Hero], must [do the main action]” structure for loglines, because it forces the writer to think about just the essential elements.
I suggest for yours:
When a deranged addict forces a rookie cop to take a “demon seeing” drug, he must :: DO SOMETHING ::
If the demons are only in the drug addict’s head, why must the cop see them? I am assuming the cop takes the drug, not the drug-addict. Is this a supernatural thriller where the demons come to life and can only be defeated when you can at least see them? In that case, how about–>
“When John, a rookie cop stumbles upon an addict who can unleash demons from his brain, John must take a mind-altering drug himself to combat the creatures”.
I am assuming the objective for the whole movie is for the cop to combat and defeat the demons.
Oh… interesting interpretation Invisible Hand. I assumed the demons always existed, and the drug just activates a dormant “Sixth Sense”, allowing the user to see this supernatural world.
Maybe that needs to be clarified in the logline.
Wow, thank you so much, that was such simple yet extremely helpful advice! I was sitting here for a good while trying to think up a way to phrase this and I couldn’t figure out why I was having so much trouble. Clearly I have some ways to go! You really helped me pin-point why I was struggling and why it was lacking clarity. Thanks a million dude!
As for the goal, I have his first goal to search for a way to stop being able to see demons. Because, at first, he believes he is suffering very prolonged delusions and hallucinations from the drug. As the story progresses, the actual goal is for him to fight the demons and save the world. That’s it in a very small nut shell, anyways 🙂
” I assumed the demons always existed, and the drug just activates a dormant Sixth Sense?, allowing the user to see this supernatural world.”
You would be correct 🙂
Patrockable is correct 😉
It reads like the way in which the demons are discovered and released are less important rather what is important is the cop fighting demons.
Maybe try and use the victory over demons as the goal and the discovery regardless its device the II:
“When a young cop discovers a portal for demons in a drug addicted mental patient he must fight to stop the demons coming through whilst under the influence of drugs himself.”
You’re welcome, glad I could help!
The “stop being able to see demons” goal sounds to me like a “refusual of the call” reaction, I’d say the main action would be to fight the demons and save the world, so this would be better for your logline.
Also, maybe “demon world revealing” drug might better suggest that the demons were always there?
So something like:
When a deranged addict forces a rookie cop to take a “demon revealing” drug, he must destroy the demons to save the world. 🙂
Sorry, I meant “demon revealing”
I think this sounds really interesting. I love stories like this where you have a normal guy that gets thrown into a situation. I was going to give critique, but patrockable said everything I had to say. This sounds really cool though.