A young woman suffering from anxiety must partner with her arch enemy, in order to save her baby and subsequently, her world.
zone4Penpusher
A young woman suffering from anxiety must partner with her arch enemy, in order to save her baby and subsequently, her world.
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The cause of the anxiety can’t just be all in her mind. ?It must have something to do with a real threat in the real world. ?What is the specific threat to herself, her baby, to her world that requires her to act? ?And as a result of the specific threat, what must she do? ?What is her objective goal?
Best to focus a logline on one goal not two. In this case you have save the baby and save the world – which is it?
Saving the baby pales in comparison to saving the world, I suggest re drafting the logline so it focuses the MC’s action on that.
Secondly, why now? Why MUST she partner with her arch enemy NOW and not last year or in 6 months from now? What happened that made her HAVE to partner with the enemy? In other words what is her inciting incident?
Lastly, and on a lesser note, describing the MC as a young woman adds very little to the story – there are many young women in the world. Best to describe her in a more unique manner , you could use her job or title (if she has one) instead.
From?
What is it about “her world” that’s different than “the” world? That sticks out in my mind as needing clarification. I also might use an adjective for anxiety, like “severe” or something. Otherwise, how is she different than anyone else? Everyone’s anxious these days. Also, tell us something about her nemesis or why they’re rivals.