Penpusher
Posted: 2012-05-23T15:44:22+10:00 In: ,

Accidentally trapped in a painting by the use of future technology, four disparate teens must band together to decode mysteries and outwit thieves to find the path home.

Framed (working title), Adventure/ Sci-fi

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    5 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Very cool idea!

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    2. Penpusher

      Wow! Thanks for all that fodder. I had only recently added the “future technology” and the “disparate” – trying to work out how to mark their differences.

      These things are hard work to get right. 🙂

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    3. The concept is intriguing and original, so that’s a plus. Paul is right on about mentioning the technology. “Disparate” seems to be colorless, too scientific. The fact that they are essentially “different” is somewhat assumed, and the element of their difference cannot possibly be what’s driving the story (unless they were four rival gangs taking up war in another dimension). “Finding their path home” seems to be redundant. Their has to be an even greater goal, IMO. I would also try to use as many painting analogies as possible.

      “After being transported into a priceless painting, rival teens must work from the same palette to decode mysteries and outwit a gang of desperate thieves- inside and outside the frame.”

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    4. Samurai

      A very intriguing logline. Very Wizard of Oz.

      But do we need to know about the use of future technology? If that’s important to the story, then yes. Otherwise I’d leave it out.

      Also, maybe elaborate on the ‘thieves’. Are they the main antagonist? Could you add some more to their description to make them interesting, or more formidable.

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    5. I love this logline. Without you stating, you can most definitely tell it’s an adventure. I can picture this on the Big Screen, and doing good at that.

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