Rupture of the Universe
JanCabalLogliner
After a discovery of time-travelling, genius scientist uncover that reckless agency creates multiple dimensions and gather mineral resources from past to present, which will lead to dimensional collapse unless he stops them.
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Who discovers time travel? Your genius scientist?
With so few words to be able to waste, is “genius” the best way to describe this character? It doesn’t give us a sense of the inner journey this character is likely to experience during the course of the film. We just know that they’re smart. For instance, the character might be smart, but also arrogant, or humble, or selfless …?
The set up has your character discovering time travel, then shortly after that, discovering a reckless agency that uses some sort of multi-dimensional scheme to … get rich? Where does your story actually begin?
Stakes are pretty high, which is great.
It gives us a ‘baddie’, it gives a problem and it gives a stake but no main character has been established and it is just too much. It reads like waffle and that needs to be sorted fast as it is tough to read only a few lines. I can gather the principle but it really isn’t clear and this will put some people off.
Have another go and try to simplify it.