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mmckean
Posted: March 13, 20132013-03-13T11:07:54+10:00 2013-03-13T11:07:54+10:00In: Public

After a grisly string of murders, a museum security guard suspects the recent acquisition of a mysterious Egyptian artifact.

The Artifact

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    3 Reviews

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    1. 2013-03-14T03:37:03+10:00Added an answer on March 14, 2013 at 3:37 am

      Already done. The Relic.

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    2. Tor Dollhouse
      2013-03-13T23:01:37+10:00Added an answer on March 13, 2013 at 11:01 pm

      I like where its going but as timmyelliot said, we would love to read G.S.U.

      G = Goal. What does the guard have to do ?? Suspecting is one scene (2-3 pages) out of 110 pages.

      S = Stakes. Why is the character risking it ?? A guard wants to protect, is there something bigger ??
      Maybe involve the guard working nightshift and their kid is asleep home alone. What is the guard risking ??

      U = Urgency. Why now ?? Why is the guard doing what they do in this moment ?? Like I mentioned earlier, a ticking clock gives us a deadline.
      the guard has to be home before the child is going to the hospital for their monthly dialysis.

      Hope this helps. 😀

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    3. timmyelliot
      2013-03-13T12:46:18+10:00Added an answer on March 13, 2013 at 12:46 pm

      Is this the whole thing? I remember a previous version that was more than just a hook. Tor Dollhouse and SydneyPaul had made some great comments on that previous one about goals and stakes.

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