The Artifact
After a grisly string of murders, a museum security guard suspects the recent acquisition of a mysterious Egyptian artifact.
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Already done. The Relic.
I like where its going but as timmyelliot said, we would love to read G.S.U.
G = Goal. What does the guard have to do ?? Suspecting is one scene (2-3 pages) out of 110 pages.
S = Stakes. Why is the character risking it ?? A guard wants to protect, is there something bigger ??
Maybe involve the guard working nightshift and their kid is asleep home alone. What is the guard risking ??
U = Urgency. Why now ?? Why is the guard doing what they do in this moment ?? Like I mentioned earlier, a ticking clock gives us a deadline.
the guard has to be home before the child is going to the hospital for their monthly dialysis.
Hope this helps. 😀
Is this the whole thing? I remember a previous version that was more than just a hook. Tor Dollhouse and SydneyPaul had made some great comments on that previous one about goals and stakes.