After a horrific injury during a compromised operation, CIA agent Lucas must use his new enhancements to find the leak within the agency, whilst a terrorist organization threatens to conduct a series of attacks across several major cities.

I have four points to offer about this logline:

1] The hook of the logline is the character, not the plot.? To wit, the protagonist is (or becomes) a cyborg.? So that should be clearer in the logline.

However, as noted,? a cyborg enforcement character is hardly new.? A number of other movies have been there, done that with the protagonist.? So the question is:? what’s so special about this one that adds something new, a unique twist to the character?? What makes him unique, decidedly different from all the other kick-ass, take-no-prisoners, hyper-killing machine characters??

Which is to ask: what makes him? a good candidate character for a franchise? (Because it’s a waste of a cyborg character if he doesn’t have serious franchise potential.)

2] As currently written, the logline gives the cyborg two objective goals.? But it’s an iron law of plotting that the protagonist can only have one goal.? Any other goals are subordinate to the plot goal. They are steppingstones on the path to the overarching goal.? So what is his singular objective goal? To uncover the leak or stop the terrorist attacks?

Now it is possible that in process of solving one dramatic problem he discovers another.? In drama lingo, this is called discovering the mountain beyond the mountain:? the character climbs to the top of his original objective goal only to discover another objective goal, a bigger and more important one looming in the distance behind his original objective goal.

So it’s possible that in the process of? uncovering? who was involved in the leak, he discovers the terrorist plot (and that the same nemesis is implicated in both).?

Or in the process of stopping the terrorist plot, he stumbles upon the solution to the leak (Which, again, would involved the same nemesis. You can no more switch to another nemesis in the midstream of a plot than you can a protagonist.)

Or? his objective goal from the git-go is to apprehend a nemesis who is responsible for both the leak and the terrorist attacks.

3] A plot quest to stop a conspiracy or solve a mystery always comes to the Obligatory/ High Noon scene where the nemesis is unmasked and the protagonist has “quality face time”, goes mano a mano with him.? ?The nemesis is only implied in the logline; it might strengthen the logline to make him explicit.

4] The cyborg is a fictional construct, but the CIA is not.? So? in order to aid in inducing the audience to suspend disbelief on the fictional character, it? helps to have a credible institutional environment for the real life agency.? To wit, the story should pay at least lip service to the way the CIA operates in the real world.

And in the real world, the CIA does not/ cannot by law conduct operations, overt or covert, in the territory of the United States. Domestic intelligence and operations are the turf of the FBI.? And the FBI guards its turf zealously.? Any intelligence the CIA comes across in foreign operations pertaining to threats in the United States would be passed along to the FBI.? The CIA can conduct missions in the U.S.? only as joint operations with the FBI — and the FBI is the lead agency.?

When the CIA wants to operate on the FBI’s turf, it can only do so with the permission and participation of the FBI and must play by the FBI’s rules.

So I suggest either making him an FBI agent or tweak the plot accordingly.

fwiw