After a sudden string of cattle mutilations a group of hunters are employed by the community to find and kill the predator responsible. However after venturing deep into the woods the group soon discover something far more sinister then simply just a wild animal.

This same problem keeps coming up, and I find myself posting the same comment time and time again. It would greatly benefit you, and all new members, to read the ‘Formula’ tab up top and study other member’s posts – you’ll see a handful of common mistakes made by many writers, and this post was no exception.

DETAILS, DETAILS, DETAILS and clear ones at that!!!

Loglines are made out of CLEAR DETAILS that are causally connected, otherwise, it becomes a vague description of generic events. In your logline the description “…something far more sinister…” falls well and truly under this umbrella. A reader NEEDS to know what the sinister something is, if you don’t specify it, your telling them you don’t have a story, genre or plot and they should come up with it as they read it.

Details aside, the first sentence of the logline needs to be changed, it’s trying to describe an inciting incident but is too long and too impersonal. I think a fundamental problem with this concept is the lack of a motivating inciting incident. The hunters being hired to hunt is not unusual – it’s their job. What out of the ordinary event happens that beyond a doubt compels them to take action?