Penpusher
Posted: 2019-08-12T05:05:42+10:00 In:

After a tragic death puts her family in financial jeopardy, a disgraced athlete partners with an old childhood friend to execute an insurance scheme that puts her on the wrong end of a revenge plot.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Logliner

      Was the tragic death a family member or an accident that puts the family in financial jeopardy? Does the tragic death have anything to do with the athlete being disgraced? Is it necessary in the logline to mention partnering with a childhood friend? These are just a few questions that may need clarifying.

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      >>>After a tragic death puts her family in financial jeopardy,Who and how so?
      Because of medical bills not covered by insurance?? Please clarify.

      >>>disgraced athlete
      What kind of athlete? Basketball, football, or…?? Professional or…?

      >>>partners with an old childhood friend to execute an insurance scheme that puts her on the wrong end of a revenge plot.
      This sends mixed signals as to what is the story about.? What is the main dramatic question of the plot?? Is it about a scam or revenge?? If the latter, what does the insurance scam have to do with getting revenge?

      The logline would benefit by being more specific and having a clearer focus. I suggest you run it through the logline generator app. The app is still in beta, but it’s a useful tool in shaping and sharpening a logline.

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    3. Best Answer
      Penpusher

      Definitely sounds interesting! Curious to know what kind of athlete she is. Potentially could make the log even more intriguing

      • 0
    4. Best Answer
      Singularity

      “After the tragic death of (Her father?) a disgraced athlete partners with a childhood friend to scam the insurance company which puts them on the wrong end of a revenge plot by (A ruthless insurance agent?)”

      • 0