Noir (revised 2.0)
After a translator?s wife is found murdered and turned into a shadow creature, Charlie must interpret her glitched speech to discover the mystery behind her death.
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I will like to know Charlie’s relationship with the murdered translators wife or the translator himself. If you add one or two things about this it’ll sure make a difference. Secondly, you have two conflicting issues here. She is turned into a shadowy creature, does this literally mean she’s dead, since you have indicated this of course in the last words “mystery behind her death” If she’s actually dead as in murdered, how then is she giving a glitched speech. I think you should do something about that. “Resurrected” could be a key word just as Patrockable said. If she’s dead, then she’s dead. If she’s a shadow creature that can give speeches, then you should give more details about that .
Okay here are my thoughts:
Cool inciting incident!
Strong goal, but interpreting glitched speech doesn’t sound very cinematic
Is Charlie the translator? It’s not clear. Also, no need to use names as it doesn’t help sell the script.
What are the stakes? “discover the mystery” doesn’t feel like a strong enough motive.
Main character’s flaw?
Here’s my re-wording:
When his murdered wife is resurrected as a shadow creature, a ::insert flaw here:: translator must interpret her glitched speech to capture her killer.
Hope that helps!