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yawsbaws
Posted: March 30, 20132013-03-30T19:58:08+10:00 2013-03-30T19:58:08+10:00In: Student Loglines

After a troubled teen girl is caught vandalizing state property, she is ordered to spend 6 months in juvenile detention center; where she falls in love with the, married, faculty art teacher.

A Modern Frida

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    4 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2013-04-13T08:51:42+10:00Added an answer on April 13, 2013 at 8:51 am

      I infer– because it’s not stated in the logline– that the falling in love is mutual. If that is the case, then there are all kinds of potential conflicts and complications.

      And stating in the logline the explicit reason why she ended up in juvenile detention seems extraneous. Isn’t all we need to know up front is that she’s a JD serving time?

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    2. mmckean
      2013-04-03T04:52:59+10:00Added an answer on April 3, 2013 at 4:52 am

      Intriguing start, but I agree with the others. We need to have some sort of conflict.

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    3. 2013-03-31T22:37:24+10:00Added an answer on March 31, 2013 at 10:37 pm

      Decent punctuation would certainly help. We do need to know the conflict, which helps distinguish what is in the logline from backstory and the actual events of what you’re proposing to write.

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    4. Richiev Singularity
      2013-03-31T03:07:11+10:00Added an answer on March 31, 2013 at 3:07 am

      Where is the conflict?

      Who is standing in the way of their love? What are the consequences if they are caught? Will she she spend more time in custody?

      “Incarcerated for vandalism, a troubled teen girl falls for the facility art teacher but if the warden, his wife, discovers the affair her life will become a living hell.”

      Alright that was clunky but I tried to give conflict and consequence to the logline.

      Good luck with this!

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