After accidentally causing the death of her boss, an over-worked, guilt-ridden barmaid must avoid suspicion, while at the same deflecting the advances of her lascivious co-worker
Luke RamsdenLogliner
After accidentally causing the death of her boss, an over-worked, guilt-ridden barmaid must avoid suspicion, while at the same deflecting the advances of her lascivious co-worker
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You need to make the lead likable so that the audience will follow along as the lead does more and more questionable things to avoid suspicion.
A: The Boss’s death should happen in an understandable way.
-Or-
B: The boss should be portrayed as particularly bad, or perhaps scuzzy.
Just some thoughts:
At the beginning of the story, the lead is asked to place a very large and expensive bottle of liquor on the top shelf for all to see.
As her shift ends the boss comes on to her against her will. The bar gets bumped and the very large bottle (With her fingerprints all over it) Falls onto the boss’s head killing him.
She panics, (perhaps she has a criminal record) as the car owned by his boss’s wife pulls up to the bar. She grabs the bottle with her fingerprints and escapes out the back.
The Twist at the end: We discover the lead didn’t kill the boss, He was still alive when she left. (She just thought he was dead) The wife finds him and finish’s him off to get out of the prenuptial where she doesn’t get anything if she divorces him.
After accidentally serving her boss arsenic….
Well-written. I think the logline would benefit from specifying how the barmaid caused the death of her boss.
“After accidentally poisoning and killing her boss, an over-worked… etc”
Additionally, though this is a more minor point, I think the actions the protagonist take in the story could also benefit from more specificity. Does she try to pin the blame on someone else, for example?
That’s an interesting point about being more specific with the cause of death; I wasn’t whether being vague or specific would be the better option. Thanks.