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jbushill
Posted: April 24, 20122012-04-24T22:26:52+10:00 2012-04-24T22:26:52+10:00In: Public

After an organic supercomputer goes haywire and hijacks all of the world?s computer systems, its scientist creator must stop the crazed machine before it kills him.

A screenplay I’m currently working on.

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    6 Reviews

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    1. Paul Clarke Samurai
      2012-04-25T10:37:50+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

      Really like it. It’s simple, to the point. I can see the entire movie unfold before my eyes. And it is a movie I’d like to watch.

      To go the extra distance, your next step would be to give the scientist a better description. Well any description. Something that makes the story memorable and more interesting. What is it about this scientist that makes us care?

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    2. uDawnWrite
      2012-04-25T11:26:04+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2012 at 11:26 am

      I agree with Paul, great logline, and yes a better description of the Scientist would enhance it better. Is he a deranged Scientist wit a God complex….

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    3. [Deleted User]
      2012-04-25T22:39:34+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2012 at 10:39 pm

      Great! This is indeed a setup for a suspenseful, entertaining ride.

      Only… It’s a whole movie worth of “HAL9000”!

      How can you make this unique?

      UDW above is right in asking for a more detailed description of the scientist. What is his flaw that put him in this situation? He may have to overcome this in order to stop the computer. So, give us an Inner Journey.

      And HOW precisely would he be killed by the computer? Can you give this away? It would further visualize the potential of the movie.

      Finally, the computer is ‘faceless’ in this logline. Is there a human antagonist? Any other characters? In this logline the world feels empty… Surely there must be other people in jeopardy, whom our scientist must save before he saves his own life??

      It’s a great logline – but I believe there is material in your story that you can bring into this, to further entice us!

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    4. [Deleted User]
      2012-04-26T01:58:01+10:00Added an answer on April 26, 2012 at 1:58 am

      I like the log line and see how it would be suspenseful, but I’m not sure what an organic computer is?

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    5. Ilandes
      2012-04-26T04:12:47+10:00Added an answer on April 26, 2012 at 4:12 am

      I don’t know if it’s necessary to say ‘scientist creator’, since the creator is obviously the creator of the computer system…
      My own opinion if I was reading the back of a video though and trying to decide whether or not to get it, is if the world or some big disaster was at risk, not just the life of the person who created this mess ;). My two cents anyway but it does sound like an interesting premise.

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    6. Maidenscombe
      2012-05-27T13:29:11+10:00Added an answer on May 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm

      Will the supercomputer only kill its creator? As that is what it sounds like.

      Apart from the word organic, it sounds similar to Terminator. Without altering the script itself, could the logline be rewritten to make it sound brand new?

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